A Misplaced World

Rocking back and forth,

I beg, oh so quietly.

Please stop, I cry.

I pull myself

into the world

I have misplaced.

The clanging cymbals in my brain

stop their crashing,

and waves upon waves of sound

now cease.

I listen to the silence,

a balm upon my nerves.

I open my eyes,

widened in wonder.

Let me breathe in awe

at my world,

spinning out of control.

yet still intact.

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Wild geese

(Migrating geese. Photo by Robin. 2006)

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on,
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

~Mary Oliver

Animal Companionship

 

Our surviving King Charles Cavalier, Douglas, was a faithful companion during
Darryl’s last days in the front room. He and Lois’s Jessie Dog laid under the hospital bed protecting, watching. Dougie has been grieving too. I put him on Darryl’s bed after Darryl had died and he snuggled in for awhile and did not look to leave.

 

Never underestimate the feeling, the compassion, the devotion of an animal.

Descansos for Darryl

 

Appraising the Heart

An eye for an eye
A tooth for a tooth

Within the field of rushes
Lies the heart of one
Father, husband, son, friend,
Whose time in this realm is done?

Within the field of rushes
Lies the heart of one
Teacher, counsellor, advocate, artist, friend
Who took but gave an eye, a tooth, a shoulder

Earth to Earth
Ashes to ashes dust to dust

Within the field of rushes
Lies a heart of one
Who gave more than he took
Who returns to the source

As light as a feather

Heather Blakey 2007

 

By January 14th 2007, after a seven year battle with bowel cancer, it was clear that Darryl was deteriorating rapidly and would not be with me for much longer. I posted this image of Bella Rose, singing Rod Stewart’s rendition of my favourite love song amid floods of tears. The flood gates had broken by the 14th. He died on January 19th 2007 after a few shocking days, where every ounce of his strength evaporated and his body was left a dead weight.

 

 

Bella Mama, the Lemurian Rose, sings for me, to Darryl.
She is wearing Lapis Lazuli

 

Have I told you lately that I love you?
Have I told you there’s no one else above you?
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.

For the morning sun in all it’s glory,
Meets the day with hope and comfort too,
You fill my life with laughter, somehow you make it better,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.

There’s a love less defined,
And its yours and its mine,
Like the sun.
And at the end of the day,
We should give thanks and pray,
To the one, to the one.

Have I told you lately that I love you?
Have I told you there’s no one else above you?
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.
There’s a love less defined,
And its yours and its mine,
Like the sun.
And at the end of the day,
We should give thanks and pray,
To the one, to the one.

Have I told you lately that I love you?
Have I told you there’s no one else above you?
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.

Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.

Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.

as sung by Rod Stewart

Slowly, every so gradually, I will make Descansos for Darryl and I here in the Temple of Solace. I will tell stories and share memories and in doing so keep him alive.

At the end of the day I give thanks to the one, to the one, who united us for thirty seven years.

Remember Me

Remember Me

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Christina Rossetti (1830-1896)