Magi-cal Gift

The story is embedded in my heart.  The sentiment carved into my soul.  The innocence of wishing to “gift” another with an item so extraordinary that it will be remembered and spoken of for years to come, re-told for decades by children who witnessed the giving of one woman who had  in her possession a solitary item of value.

 My grandmother had left for me in her will, a ring.  Not perfect, nor the most valuable of diamonds, but a sparkling representation of love none-the-less.  Emerald-cut, and graced on either side with matching baguettes, the ring captured the eye of strangers and caused my heart to breath a sigh each time I viewed it.

I have no idea how much it cost my grand- father, how many days of labor and toil were added together to amass the price of this one lovely piece, but I wore it proudly, and waltzing through my days feeling rich for its company.

Several people, including a jeweler, had offered to buy the ring, but my answer was always a resounding ” No, thank you.  This is my only treasure.” 

For many years, my grandparents love never left my hand, never felt the finger of another, and never missed a night of being slid underneath my head as I fell asleep.

Christmas was knocking at the door. It was the winter of 1992, and I had the wonderful privilege of being “Momma” to five children, wife to one exquisite husband, and care-giver to two aging in-laws whose destiny, we did not know, would not include another Christmas.  Nine of us, living in a large, but drafty old farm house.  Nine of us pursuing our  dreams, and trying hard to give one another space in which to pursue them.  Nine of us at the table every day.  Nine of us laughing, loving, and lifting one another toward our unique destinies. Nine of us.


The appointment  was supposed be routine, but  the word, “cancer” cut through the air that day and rearranged our lives.  That day we found out that children might not outlive their parents, and parents were very often at the mercy of a word.

” Why?”  ” WHY ?”   “How could this happen to us?”  We were kind, benovolent, giving, and in love with life, all nine of us.  It made no sense whatsoever. Who would hate us so much as to impose such a destiny on the likes of us? Who? Why? How?

She was three, and could babble like a magpie, she held all of us captive in her warm grey-blue eyes, and our hearts were tangled up in her merriment.  She was the joy machine in our lives, and she was the one with the lump  the size of a small egg in her armpit.

So we learned of potentialities and prognosis, treatments and the expected course of cancer in a three year old.  We learned that insurance will only grant you a small reprieve from the wolf at the door, and we learned that life is never the same for having heard one word.

We pulled ourselves up by the bootstraps, and dug deep into our faith pocket searching with wiggly, grasping, fingers for a miracle.

” Mrs. Gibson, I am sorry, but unless you can raise a portion of the surgical expense and show in good faith that you are able to pay at a reasonable rate the remainder of your bill, we will not be able to see your child any longer at  this office.” 

Those words slashed open my motherheart that day, and created a callous that to this day I am still sloughing from around my heart. 

That day I rued having married for love rather than money. That day I broke into a million pieces.  That day my faith in the decency of mankind slipped through my fingers and landed at my feet with the words, “Please, but you must,”and ” I will somehow find a way.”


The door closed behind me and I walked to car with a check for five thousand dollars.  The jeweler who had offered to buy my grandmother’s ring had made good his promise to buy the emerald-cut beauty, “if times ever got hard.”  Indeed, the times were hard, and my husband’s layoff at the mines had coincided with the hateful vedict that had changed the atmosphere in our little world of nine.  I sold the only thing of  value that I owned to save the only thing I daughter’s life. 

The medical office receptionist just smiled and said,  ” I had hoped you would find a way, so many people come here expecting to  be treated and we never see any effort on their part to pay for their services.” 

We paid an awesome price in so many ways, in tears, in prayer, in hope, in dread, in terror, and in gratitude, eventually. 

The grey-blue eyed one will graduate from high school this spring. The “c” word rarely graces our conversation, and the bill that could not be paid was long ago “paid in full.”

The sacrifices of my grandfather prepared a way for the gifting by my grandmother.  My  wearing of the gift captured the eye of the  jeweler.   The jeweler masked the poverty of the empty-pocketed ones and caused the gift to open the door to healing, while appeasing the doctor with a miracle in his pocket.

That beautiful emerald-cut ring now sits on another’s finger. I am sure. The hand that wears it knows nothing of its journey.  The heart that sighs when glancing at it knows nothing of the anguish that precipitated its removal from my finger. And the pillow it rests under each night knows not the price one will pay to save a child they love. 

And so the legend is forever in our story book, the day that Momma sold the Magi-cal ring and got a  Magi-cal miracle in return.

There has never been another ring placed on that finger, there has never been an attempt to replace it. It is irreplaceable, irretrievable, and it’s love is irrevokable. 

I am certain that when it was purchased it was meant to be forever a family heirloom, passed for generations from one lovely daughter to the next, but  the magnificence of the magi-cal gift resides in the soulful long-lashed grey-blue eyes of a young woman who knows the story well. The story of the price that love will pay to “gift” another.

Monty Comes Home


Monty loved young women
Who never could resist his advances
So on Saturday when
A young guide came offering
to take him
To Shangri La
He ran off happily
As always
To us

But then Shangri La
Was not home
Was a place filled with strange dogs
And lonesome cats
For loved ones to come



So the lad
who had never had a night away from home
and never really wanted to go off with someone else
followed the yellow brick road
and came back to lie
quite near to us
by the veranda
with a stunning view
of the secret garden
he knew and loved.

Monty is home again
And a quiet peace has descended.

Storm Season

A night of rising tides
Tides will not let me sleep
the sailors are afraid

Deep quiet before storm
long ago winds of winter drove
snow against the back door
paths dug deep between the heavy banks, a maize, a farmyard labarinth  of trenches leading to the barn, the chicken house
the old house, the warehouse, buried half way up the windows

A dark and silent cavern where a child
lay dreaming,  as children do
Here sailors know they cannot sleep

Resurrection and Renewal


This collage celebrates the Crone who willingly embraces Death so that She may rise again, emerging from the Underworld renewed and full of the hope waiting to be tasted on the altar of the Great Mother’s womb. She is kissed back to ecstatic life by her Spirit Guides. May all who enter the Temple of Solace experience Her love and deep compassion.

Light A Candle…


Light a Candle

10,636 candles from 114 countries are shining.

In many different traditions lighting candles is a sacred action. It expresses more than words can express. It has to do with gratefulness. From time immemorial, people have lit candles in sacred places. Why should cyberspace be any different?

You may want to begin or end your day by the sacred ritual of lighting a candle on Or you may want to light a commemorative or celebratory candle for a friend. All you need is to slow down and do it with full attention. Be with the silence…

Divine Mother?

Divine mother are you here?

With a week, a day, a minute to spare

A fleeting visit, a word, a hug,

Will you come here now

Into this Temple of Solace where I’m kneeling

All broken up and mangled as hot, salt tears

Course down my face and fall

Into this bleak and screaming hell that mimics life?

For the love of God or Goddess

If I beg for long enough will you

Follow me into this lonely desert,

Fill a cup with water 

Hold my head and let me drink,

Quench my thirst for comfort

Stay a while and rock me until

The bliss of sleep brings rest and peace,

Allows oblivion to calm my wretched mind,

Tormented soul and crumbling heart?


Helpful resources

Below you will find some links to some websites that may offer solace to the troubled soul. Please feel free to add any you think may be helpful to other people. (inspirational poems)

Following the loss of beloved humans

following the loss of beloved felines (feline in memoriam)

and other furry friends

Even this and now – papa

Though I found it difficult to write
with needles dripping into my hands,
I could read – though books of substance
were scarce, except for Gideon Bibles, of course;
with type so small no one on medication
had a prayer – so to speak.

but one Doctor of Persian decent
had some old books set dusty on the wall,
and when I said, “ because I can I must,”
he let me scan a few …

and I found this Chaldean Hymn (prayer)
composed in the city of Ur
before the age of Abraham;
translated into Greek in 743BCE
and English in 1687AD.


Father, long-suffering and full of forgiveness,
Whose hands uphold the life of all mankind!
First born, omnipotent, whose heart is immensity,
There is none who may fathom it!

In heaven, who is supreme?
Thou alone, Thou art supreme.
On earth, who is supreme?
Thou alone, Thou art supreme.

As for Thee, Thy will is made known in heaven,
And the angels bow their faces.
As for Thee, Thy will is made known upon the earth,
And the spirits kiss the ground.

The Wall of Self-Doubt And Fear

Recently I was asked why I haven’t written more about Ninja-Cat’s story. “You can’t just leave us all hanging,” she told me. And I’ve felt very bad for not having written in a week or so. I think I’m just scared. I’m scared of commiting to something like this because I’m afraid of failing. I go through periods of depression, and when it hits, I suddenly doubt all of my endeavors. I keep telling myself that the only way to be a writer is to write. But, its as if I’ve come up against a wall. What awaits me on the other side? Am I brave enough to climb that wall and find out? My fear says that I’m not good enough, that I can’t and that my writing and artwork simply stinks. And no matter how often I get positive feedback, that damn little gremlin in my mind blocks it from really sinking in. So, I suppose I’m at the temple today looking for understanding. Anyone else ever feel his way? How did you overcome your wall and self-doubt?

Clarity in Denial


Clarity in Denial

There is no more pain
There is no need to search
There is nothing to find
There is nothing to do


There is nothing to prove
There is nothing to cover
There is nothing to agree
There is nothing to deny


No goals to achieve
No dreams to attain
No desires to chase
No roles to play


No choices to make
No people to meet
No causes to fight
No places to visit


No more struggling
No more suffering
No more denying
No more refusing


No more confusion
No more illusions
Nothing to have
Nothing to fix


No more pretenses
No more excuses
No more doubts
No more fears


No more hiding
No more trying
No more doing
No more lying


Nothing to change
Nothing to become
Nowhere to return
Nowhere to go


No love-less-ness
No loneliness
No darkness
No illness


Nothing really
No more